im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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