I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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