Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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