12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
