i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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