he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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