i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
