Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
