I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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