Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
