How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
