I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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