I'm pants shitting drunk right now
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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