He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
