if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sober January is a disaster.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
