I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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