In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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