I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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