I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
