Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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