Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
