Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
