This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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