R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
