The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
