no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
