just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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