I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
