the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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