wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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