It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
