I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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