I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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