Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
