And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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