Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
