i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
