K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
