My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
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