I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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