Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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