im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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