So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
