the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
