I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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