I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
