it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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