I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
