im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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