I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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