6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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