I wanna passion pit in your ass
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
