Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
