Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
