And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
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There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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