Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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