Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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