oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
