I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
