Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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