If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
