What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
