I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
