I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
