You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
