guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
