I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
