dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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