1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
